jip seems like a good gaffe. To invoke, use java -javaagent:[DIR]/profile.jar ClassFile, where [DIR] is an absolute path to profile.jar.

On school machines it's automagically setup to use the profiler if you are so good as to type jprofile instead of java. Code for this script:

#!/bin/bash

if [ $# -eq 0 ]
then
        echo "Usage: use this like 'java', so '$0 -jar jarfile.jar args'."
        exit
fi

java -javaagent:/home/csunix/jobriath/bin/jip/profile/profile.jar $@

where you would naturally alter the absolute path to reflect the installation location on your machine.